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Why Marry?

Photo Credit: Gary Pardy

It's my fourth wedding anniversary! I can scarcely believe it--the years have flown by. The icing on the cake is that Dan and I got to attend a wedding recently, which brought memories of our pandemic nuptials rushing back. This wedding was much bigger than ours, but they were both special in their own ways (just like marriages).

I know marriage is problematic and patriarchial at its root. And just as much as I know that, I know I love being married and that getting married was extremely important to me. I hold these two very different ideas in my hands at the same time.

Growing up, I assumed I would get married just like I assumed I would have kids. When I decided I didn't want kids, marriage became even more important to me. It was a way of cementing my relationship and participating in a societal and cultural milestone. I explore all this in my memoir (which I am getting ready to query any agents who may be reading this, lol!!).

So when our friends Maddie and Sulaye asked me to give a speech at their wedding, I was happy to oblige... I'm not sure it's exactly what they anticipated but I hope they liked it all the same! I've shared it below.

Congratulations lovebirds! You are beautiful people, individually and together <3

And happy anniversary to my sweetie von peetie, Dan. Life is better shared with you.

Why marry?


In this modern age of nihilism and skepticism, it is easy to upturn your nose at the archaic institution of marriage. It might seem blasé, old-fashioned, unnecessary. And yet, many of us still choose to do it. We still choose to make official our commitment to one another and to celebrate our unions with our family and friends. Despite all evidence to the contrary, we believe in the enduring power of love, and we throw our whole bodies, hearts, minds, and spirits into it, come what may.

We’re romantics at heart—and with good reason, I think. For me, marriage brought a feeling of safety and unity like I had never felt before. My wedding day was the happiest day of my life, and I’ve been constantly amazed ever since—and I hope the same for you both.


I can think of no better example of love in its purest, most genuine form than yours, my dear friends, Maddie and Sulay. You have chosen to commit to one another, to witness one another’s lives, to care for and commiserate with one another, to stick out the challenges, and take life’s path together.


And I know you’ll do great because the basis for the union of marriage is friendship—and everyone in this room knows what phenomenal, generous, loyal, fun-loving friends you are. I can’t wait to watch the both of you blossom in your love and commitment to one another. I know it will allow you to be your best selves. And since you are both already the best people ever, I can’t even fathom what’s to come.


I love marriage. I love you two, and I love that you married each other today.

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