Life Realignment Post-Burnout

For as long as I can remember, I've tied my value to my performance and productivity. In high school, my friends and I competed for top grades and trophies. In University, I went after every scholarship and accolade. In my career, I pursued climbing the ranks and excelling in every role and responsibility with an unhinged fervor.

It's no surprise that when I started writing eight years ago, this life philosophy of more, better, faster came along with me--and in many ways it paid off. My obsessive personality and deep need for external validation have given me a lot: a wonderful writing community, an impressive publication history, and a lot of really cool opportunities (like publishing a freaking book, typing poems live on CBC Radio, and reading and teaching at some amazing events). I thrived--until, I didn't.

And then, I paid quite the cost. Namely in terms of my mental health and energy levels! I lost interest and drive to do many of the things that had been second nature (like waking at 5 a.m. to write and engaging in literary events multiple evenings a week). I felt exhausted, even though I wasn't doing much anymore. My therapist told me it sounded like burnout, and I began slashing and burning the life I had worked so hard to build.

What I've given up:

• Writing everyday

• Creating social media content nearly everyday

• Applying for and submitting to everything tangentially related to me and my writing career

• My writing group

• Hosting a monthly open mic

• Judging writing contests and reading slush piles for literary mags whenever asked

• Keeping up-to-date with the play-by-play of a million writer's projects and work

• Going to multiple literary community events every week.

  
  

What I've gained:

• A new sense of calmness and contentment

• More rest and relaxation--I actually had to ask my therapist what counted as rest--I didn't know!

• Time to explore new interests (like collage and furniture refinishing) and revisit old ones (like activism and tending a small, imperfect garden).

Now, months into my new normal, I honestly don't know how I used to do everything I did. Sometimes, I miss the regular serotonin hits and whirlwind richness of that other life. But I'm finding a less manic, more content groove. I'm considering opportunities more closely and adding things back in cautiously. I know I'll fall back into old habits sometimes and take on too much, and sometimes I'll go too far the other way, and feel isolated and purposeless. But perfection is no longer the goal.

So if I've fallen off the radar, know it's not personal! I still love writing, reading, and engaging with the local literary community. I've just been creating boundaries and striking a new balance.

oxo

Lindsey

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